You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
