Grow some girl-balls and come out already
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
