i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
