i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
