worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
