I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
