Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
