Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
