I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was like eating out sand paper
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
