What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it glows. i had to have it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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