dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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