I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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