i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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