It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
