i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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