I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Little spoons don't ask big questions
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is the high leading the old right now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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