isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
