i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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