Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
