I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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