they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Damn victory sex feels great
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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