You're my little dorito
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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