Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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