big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
