you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
