I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
