Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
