After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
