His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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