kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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