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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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