You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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