Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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