i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction