things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dating After Heartbreak
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo