he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.