you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
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Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️