Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
