Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At least life still wants to fuck me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize