I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
