i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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