Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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