my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
