is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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