Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
