I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just pee around me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
