A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
