party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
