For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
