People with herpes should wear stickers.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
