my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize