Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
