my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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