New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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