this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
