Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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