he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
