ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
