i think my tv is drunk
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
