you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
