When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
