So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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