i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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